


Saving Your Life

by CaraSam



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aogiri Tree - Freeform, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, Happy Ending, Isolation, M/M, Slow Build, ghoul!Hide, mentions of tsukiyama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-03-20 22:48:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3668076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaraSam/pseuds/CaraSam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternative ending for √A. Hide is brought to the hospital, but remains in a coma. Kaneki is determined to wake him up, no matter what it takes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unconscious

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration: "Let It Die" by Starset and "Broken" by Seethed ft. Amy Lee

Kaneki knew it would be dangerous for him to allow Hide to be close to him, now that he was a ghoul. However, he was naive, and hadn’t anticipated the lengths that he would go to find him. He grasped him close, choking on his own tears. Blood pooled on the ground below him, and a rich aroma permeated the area, making it smell distinctly of something he could only call _home_.

“No, no, Hide, stay with me, please!” He sobbed, holding down on the torn and bloody hole in the human’s side. Hide was gasping for breath, pain evident on his features.

“Ka… Ne.. Ki…”

“No, don’t talk! You’ll make it worse! I need to get you to a hospital!” He said, pulling him close to his chest and weaving one arm underneath his legs to carry him.

“Kaneki… Let’s just go home already…”

“I- I can’t… Not without you… You are my home, Hide.” The blond let out a soft, pained laugh.

“You’re so dramatic, Kaneki. It’ll… Be… Fine…” He closed his eyes, and tears stung their eyes as Hide’s breathing slowed and slowed. Panicking, he realized he was losing him. Wrapping him in a smoke-proof cloth, he hurried out of the burning Anteiku, running as fast as he could towards the Kamii General Hospital.

The doctors and nurses took Hide to the Emergency Room with few questions asked, but demanded that he stay back. It was out of his hands. A voice in the back of his mind sneered at him, _There’s nothing you can do anymore!_ He sunk into one of the seats in front of the operating room, shutting down and crying into his bloodied hands.

 _This is all my fault! If I’d only protected him better! If I’d kept an eye on him, if I’d been stronger, if I’d-_ After hours of waiting, he looked up to see two doctors talking in front of the room Hide was in, glancing over at him cautiously. As one stepped closer, his heatbeat quickened in worry.

“Are you the one who brought in Mr. Nagachika?”

“Y- yes sir…” He managed.

“What’s your relation to himhim, if I may?”

“I’m his be-” He froze. _No, I’m no longer his friend, surely. I left him for six months without even a goodbye, I no longer qualify to be his friend._ “I just found him, sir.” He lied. “Is he okay?”

“Well, he’s stable, it’s just… Due to excessive blood loss, he may have suffered brain damage. We are uncertain as to whether or not he will wake up, and believe that it’s unlikely that he will ever wake up. We have him on life support until further notice.” Kaneki could feel his heart shatter. _It’s unlikely he’ll ever wake up._ He kept repeating the statement in his mind, as if he could say it enough that it would become false. He shook his head in disbelief. _It has to be a lie- just a lie! No, it can’t be- Hide! He’ll wake up, he has too! It’ll be fine! He’ll wake up and we’ll be fine! It’ll just be him and I, and I’ll never leave him again! He’ll wake up!_ He tried to convince himself it was true, looking at the doctor blankly through his explanations, while hearing none of it.

He left the hospital before Hide’s family could arrive, not wanting to see the sad faces of the people who were basically his family after his mother died. He walked to his abandoned home, knees weak as he stared at the sidewalk below him. When the door shut behind him, he leaned on it, sliding down the floor and beginning to cry. He cried for Hide, cried for his uselessness, and cried for himself. He had been useless to help his best friend, and now he had lost him. He held himself, wallowing in his own misery until there were no more tears to cry. The next morning he departed again, leaving the 20th ward. He travelled around, finding himself odd jobs to earn money under a false identity and never staying for too long. He looked down at the envelope in his hands, slipping his earnings into it along with a note saying who it was for. Through every ward, he checked the hospitals, researching ways to resuscitate a comatose patient. He looked into all the most advanced recent medical inventions, though nothing stood out as what he wanted. Bags hung under his eyes from many sleepless nights online, and he was almost thankful for the sleep deprivation. He figured anything was better than the nightmares.

In his dreams, Hide would be there with him. Sometimes he would be alive and they would be happy, but those were few and far in between. Most times, he would see a man with white hair. There would be blood. A certain blond would be taken away again, and he had no way to stop him. There was no way to stop the bleeding. _“Kaneki… Let’s just go home already...”_ He would shake his head, try to call out to him, be he could never reach. Every time he failed again and again, and it was driving him crazy. Sending his family money for the hospital bills, for more advanced attention, was all he could do at this point. He felt so useless. It had been months now, and Hide was showing no signs of recovery.

Sitting on the bed of his small hotel room, he cradled his head in his hands, mind desperately thinking of something, anything he could’ve missed, because surely he couldn’t lose him like this. _There has to be some way to save him!_ He insisted to himself. For instance, he thought, when he’d been attacked by Rize, he had gotten the transplant and he’d recovered nicely- _wait_. His eyes widened. _No, I couldn’t do that to Hide. If he became a ghoul… I don’t want him to go through what I did. But… It would mean he’d come back to me. Could I really force that burden onto him? It’s a big price to pay, but for his life… Hide… It’s for Hide…_ He shut his eyes tightly, debating this new option. His own selfishness eventually overcame him and he packed his bags, deciding he would return to the 20th ward the next morning. Even if he couldn’t find the doctor who had so selfishly changed him into a monster, it would be nice to see his friend again, since if he failed, there was a good chance that the hospital would pull the plug on him before he could see him again.

The trip back to his old home was long and dull, but the nurses at Kamii were surprisingly helpful at helping Kaneki locate the doctor, even going as far to help him set up a “checkup” for the next week at the doctor’s house. He was told that it had to be there because he’d gone into private practice soon after the operation due to the scandal surrounding it. Still, truth be told, he was amazed at how little resistance there was towards him seeing the madman again. Jotting down the address on a sticky note he was given, he thanked the staff who’d helped him before walking to Hide’s room. The visit was short and uneventful. He gazed sadly at his friend’s body, listening to the steady rhythm of the heart monitor and reassuring himself that Hide was still physically alive, and that this would work. Hide’s chest rose and fell steadily, as if he were in a deep sleep, and it was comforting, really. He wanted to curl up beside him on the bed and listen to his heartbeat directly, to hold him and talk and joke around like nothing ever happened between them, though he knew it was impossible now. If he failed, he would never be able to see him again. He reached out tentatively towards his hand, but stopped himself before he touched him. He stood up, looking at him for what he feared might be the last time, and etched his face into his mind.

His hair was longer now, his natural color washing out the blond colorations he’d added to it. IVs were stuck in his arms in various places, but he overall looked healthy, for someone who hadn’t woken in almost six months. Kaneki smiled. _At least my money could help somehow._

“See you later, Hide.” He whispered, turning and leaving the room.  Returning to his hotel room, he did his best to prepare himself for his meeting with the doctor. Days of inactivity crawled by, making him more and more nervous about his decision and whether it was a bad idea to ask _him_ of all people to help. However, time passed, as it should, and the day finally came. He took a cab to the man’s house, unsure of what was to come. The house sat on a hill, large and foreboding. It was crumbling to the ground, the very picture of abandoned. His feet walked cautiously to the door, barely held on its hinges, where he was greeted by two almost identical teenage girls. One was dressed in black, while the other was in white, their hair matching their clothes.

“Father!” They called into the house. _Father? Doctor Kanou has children?_ He didn’t have much chance to wonder over it, however, before the man in question walked up behind them.

“Mister Ken! You’re here! Nice to see you again! Come inside, won’t you?” The girls left, allowing him entrance into the intimidating home. Gathering his courage, he stepped inside, following the doctor as he led him into a dusty room that appeared to be his study. “So, how have you been doing? Have there been any significant changes?”

“I have been just fine, _doctor_.” He spat the title. “However, no matter how much I’d love to catch up and tell you all about how hellish being a ghoul is, I’m not here for me.” The doctor sat down in a rolling chair, motioning for Kaneki to sit in the seat adjacent. Seating himself as well, he stared the mad scientist in the face. All fear and hesitation forgotten, he said firmly, “I’m here to offer you a deal.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Significantly shorter than last chapter, sorry. Writer's block is a bitch, but now I'll try to do more frequent updates! Now we can get to the Hide-fication! Thank you for sticking with me on this!

Kaneki scowled, looking at Doctor Kanou from his spot in the chair by the man's desk. Two weeks had passed, and he was no closer to seeing Hide's awakening. He bit his lip, trembling, whether from fear for his friend, or from rage at the doctor, he didn't know anymore. The feelings were so intermixed now, there was no point in trying to separate them. In the end, the result was the same- He feared that Hide wouldn't wake up, that he would be too late, and that the doctor was bringing him closer and closer to this outcome through his stalling. He knocked on the laboratory door softly. Hearing a muffled "come in!", he entered the room.

Hide was laid out upon a hospital bed, like he had been for too long now, the doctor at his desk looking over some papers.

"Ah, hello, Ken-kun." Kaneki made a face of distaste.

"Please just call me Kaneki. I don't like how my first name sounds from you." By now, any politeness he would have given the older man was gone, along with the two weeks they had stayed at this house already. "Only Hide used to call me by my first name, or my aunt when she was particularly enraged."

"Hoho, I see. So I suppose you are wondering about the state of your friend. Well, fear not, he's stable."

"That may be, but what about the operation? Why haven't you _done_ that yet? Why hasn't he _woken up_ yet?"

"Patience, Kaneki, patience. You want this to go as smoothly as possible, yes?" The boy nodded slowly, ashamed of his outburst. "Good, then I only need a bit more data from you, a ghoul, and then we can start the operation. Is that good enough for you?" Doctor Kanoe said the last sentence with a mocking tone, and Kaneki knew what kind of "data" he meant. He had to go under his knife again, for about the third time in the last two weeks, or, if luck spared him, he would just describe the side effects of the operation on him.

"Yes, sir, that's fine." The doctor straightened up his papers, filing them away before walking to the operating table. _So it's this kind of data again..._ Kaneki gritted his teeth, laying back on the table and letting himself be strapped down, anesthesia being applied afterwards. He leaned his head to the side, looking at Hide as the scalpel pierced his skin. He didn't focus on the pain, but simply on Hide.

 _I'll get you back soon, Hide. Soon you'll be all better again. Maybe this time I can protect you properly... I'll find a way to keep you safe, and you won't have to become a monster like me. I'll protect your ability to live a normal life, just please..._ He let out a soft sob. _Come back to me..._


	3. Eyes Open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was up past midnight writing this, probably until around 1-ish, so I hope it makes senses. I'll edit the whole story when I have time later.

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was the heaviness of his body. He felt as if his body was made of lead. His lips parted slightly, and he let out a low groan, finding his mouth to be incredibly dry, his lips aching in a way reminiscent of how chapped they used to be during the summers, and he’d lose his chapstick in this place or that, always having to go by the convenience store with Kaneki in order to get a new one- wait. _Kaneki._ Hide cracked open his eyes, and was met with blinding lights. He attempted to bring up his hands up to his face, only to find, much to his horror, that he was strapped to the table. His eyes flew open, and he looked around frantically. _Where am I? What am I doing here? Hey, someone! Is anyone there? Where am I? I was supposed to be with Kaneki! Where’s Kaneki?!_

He saw the room to be very dark, except for the lamps scattered around the room, and one operating light above him. There was a desk against the wall, along with some medicine cabinets, and another hospital bed beside him covered in a brown substance that he had seen enough in his time as a ghoul investigator to know that it was blood, kagune fluid scattered around it and a set of oddly crafted operating tools to the side of the beds. Besides that, the room was empty. _Shit, where am I? What happened to the other person in that bed? I don't want to die yet, I need to find Kaneki again, I have to save Kaneki!_ With much difficulty, he managed to move his limbs slightly, pressing them against their bonds but unable to do anything more. He fought against the weight of his limbs frantically, his mind going over the events of what happened before he was captured over and over again. Those memories lending no clues as to his current situation, he continued to fight, until a particularly hard jerk tightened the muscles in his torso just so that intense pain shot through him.

"Ow! What the fuck?" He yelped, his voice dry and cracked from apparent disuse. "Wha... t happened to me... When I wazzasleep?" Too tired to do much more, Hide slumped, closing his eyes and letting his mind roam while he awaited the unfortunately inevitable appearance of his captor, whoever that was.

It was a while before anyone entered the room. The door opened and a feminine voice reached his ears. He turned with some difficulty to look at the girl, only to find there wasn't just one, but two girls, and by the looks of it they were twins. They both stifled gasps, stopping in their tracks.

"He's awake!"

"Papa will want to know right away!"

"Stay still. We'll go get the doctor." Before he could respond, they ran away, leaving him alone once more. _Well now I know that there's a mad scientist-doctor. Great. That explains the blood and... Probably the kagune fluid. But the only doctor I remember who dealt with ghouls was Doctor Kanou, and he disappeared. Oh god, if it's him I'm going to flip. After how he hurt Kaneki, he deserves a beating. And I should probably find out why I have an injured torso too. I swear, if it's him, I'm gonna-_

"Mister Hideyoshi. I've heard that you're awake?" _Shit, it's him_.

"Y- eah..." Hide grunted, looking over the doctor. He looked as old and deceptively kind as usual. Figures, he guessed, he didn't want to seem visibly mad or else it'd be bad for business. Though, dealing with ghouls like Aogiri Tree, maybe they were looking for the noticeably psychotic. Who knew, with these people. All he had were educated guesses as of current.

"Good to see. We almost thought you hadn't made it. That would have been such a _disappointment_ to my client, and such a waste, seeing how much work I put into finding the best parts for you and all." Hide was about to question him when he was asked, "Do you know what day it is, mister Kagachika?"

"Uh..." He shook his head dumbly. Since the last thing he remembered was the attack on Anteiku, he figured it was the day after that. That would explain the pain in his abdomen.

"You've been asleep for a few months under a year."

"Hah?!"

"Well, you were injured during the attack on the Anteiku ghouls, and fell into a vegetative state. As you could probably guess, you just woke up! If you want details on how you got here and the circumstances you are now in, I think you should talk to my client. After all, he has been dying to see you again... And I have a feeling you'll want to see him too. After all, you have so much to discuss. Shall I send him in?"

"Wha...? Wh- who...?" Hide gave a look of confusion, and the other just smiled ominously at him.

"I'll go get him then."

'Wait!' He mouthed, voice failing to come out. _Great. Everyone has kept leaving and returning and leaving me with crazy people. So far it's only been those girls getting the doctor, but that's not a good track record! Who's next?_ He sighed, looking at the door, already emotionally exhausted from the stress of everything that had been dropped on him all at once. He'd been asleep almost a year? He was still injured somehow and had muscle atrophy. He didn't know where Kaneki was, or even if he was still alive. His hair probably looked awful now. He was in the care of a lunatic. If the day continued like this, he didn't know what he'd do. There were loud, frantic footsteps echoing through the hallway, and when the new arrival burst into the room, it took him a second to recognize the person. He looked so tired with obvious bags under his eyes, and his hair had grown out slightly, yet it was still somehow unnaturally white. As their eyes met, he gasped.

"Ka... Neki?"

"Hide!" Kaneki ran over to him, quickly unfastening the binds around his wrists and then wrapping his arms around him, sobbing into his chest. "Hide, I missed you so much!"

"Kaneki... Missed you too... Squeezing... Hurts..."

"Ah, sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Kaneki pulled back, letting go of him. He pulled up a chair next to the bed. "Hey, I'll help you sit up and get some water. Would you like that?" He nodded. "Alright. I figure you could use it. You look like shit!" He teased.

"So do you." Hide returned. He didn't know how he currently looked, but he hoped it wasn't too bad.

"Touche. Now let me take care of you. I'm sure there's lots of stuff you want to talk about."

"Mm..." _Not really. I'm just glad you're safe. Kaneki, you're here... You're alive... We're both alive and here! So please don't run out on me..._


	4. Explainations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta reader, so I hope this is okay! It's been so long... *sweats* Anyway, I'm hoping to make updates more frequent now, since I'm caught up on school again, and should have more time to be not-stressed and write. Please forgive me for being away so long!

Hide had, as Kaneki explained, been asleep for months, to the point that all the doctors had given up on him. Hide listened as Kaneki told him about his mobile lifestyle, getting money trying to find a way to wake him. Really, he was moved, but he felt sick for having put his friend and his family through all the trouble of worrying about him. Kaneki admitted to him about his time as a ghoul, apologizing for running away and not telling anyone where he was going.

"It's fine, Kaneki. We're... We're together again now..." He said, cradling a drained mug in his hands. He had barely even noticed that he hadn't been drinking water, too focused on Kaneki. Only the earthy aftertaste lingered in his mouth, subtle enough to tune out.

"It's not okay." Kaneki insisted. "You-! You were gone for so long. I missed you so much, I... I couldn't forgive me for what I've done, while you were away. I don't expect you to. I'm sorry, Hide."

"What you did? Kaneki..."

"No. What I've done is wrong, and I know it. I don't want you to have to know just yet. Just stay with me, please. I'm so glad you're alive. Though, after what I did... I wouldn't be surprised if you never spoke to me again. I wouldn't be surprised if you tried to kill me."

"What you... What are you talking about?" Hide asked, concerned. Kaneki shook his head.

"Don't worry about it now. You'll know soon enough." Kaneki looked at his friend, eyes regretful. All he wanted was his friend back, and now he had him. He wasn't sure what to do. "God, I missed you so much... Hide..."

"I missed you too. Why are you being so cryptic? I'd never try to kill you, Kaneki." He asked. "Surely you couldn't have done anything that bad."

"No, I... I did and I'm sorry. For everything." Kaneki stood up, brushing some hair out of Hide's face before turning away and leaving. The jeans and T-shirt he was wearing were too big for him, flowing slightly as he moved. Obviously, he was hiding his body. He wasn't alright. So Hide looked down at his mug, running his now wet again tongue over his chapped lips, tasting the sickening flavor of coffee. To his slight worry, he actually liked the taste, something that had never happened to him before with black coffee.

A while after Kaneki left, doctor Kanou came in to check on Hide and check his vitals. He took a brief blood sampling, then went to go analyze them.

"Yes, yes, this is truly fantastic..." He mumbled.

"Doctor?" Hide asked.

“It seems your body has accepted the parts I added quite nicely. You have a strong determination to live, it seems.”

“What…? Parts? What parts?”

“Ah, I see Kaneki didn’t tell you everything. In exchange for your life, he traded himself to become my test subject.” Doctor Kanou explained.

“He did?” That would explain the baggy clothes, if he had let the doctor experiment on him. He probably thought that it’d be too much for him to handle, right after waking up. The wording of the doctor’s statement was worrying though. _In exchange for your life._ “So I was dead?”

“Braindead, at the very least, through massive blood loss from multiple wounds. However, with a quick blood transfusion, your body was stabilized in a comatose position, and you showed no signs of waking up.”

“But I was still woken up?” Hide asked. He had his coffee cup refilled once over, and looked down into its dark waves. It being coffee, he could already guess what had happened. “I’m a ghoul now, aren’t I?” There was a steady pause before the doctor answered, tension in the air.

“Yes, you are.” Hide sighed, setting the coffee on the rolling tray holding the menacingly sparkling operating tools. He set his face in his hands, tears burning at the sides of his eyes, pouring tears down his cheeks. _I am no longer a human… I’m a ghoul now? I have to eat-?! I don’t want to hurt someone, I don’t want to be like this. Why would you do this to me? But if I had died… I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live like this! Why would you do this to me? Why, please, tell me why!_

“Damn it… Ken, you idiot…”

“Truly, I wonder why he’d do such a thing myself.”


	5. Chapter 5

It was Kaneki who gave him the package. Of course it was. The doctor obviously didn’t have the sense to see that he was upset with him, for making become this- have to do something like eat _this_. He knew what was inside the neatly folded brown paper, and felt sick at the very thought of it.

“I can’t eat this…”

“Hide, you need to.”

“Shut up. I won’t, I _can’t_. It’s too…” _Too much of a reminder of what I am now._

“I know, Hide, I understand, but you have to eat! You can’t survive on coffee alone, even the sugar cubes won’t hold you off forever.”

“I don’t care about that! I can’t eat an innocent human!” Kaneki sighed, sitting down beside Hide on the hospital bed. Hide didn’t even have to look up to know he was staring at him with those sad eyes that he hated to see. Were things the same as before, he’d probably crack a joke, hug him, and ask to go hang out somewhere, get his mind off things. Now he could barely look at him, and it made his heart ache painfully. He didn’t want to be mad at Kaneki, in truth, but right now he didn’t know what else to be. If he gave in and ate this, would he still be human, or would he be accepting life as a ghoul? While he knew ghouls were essentially human like the rest of them, but with a different diet, at the same time, he was afraid. He didn’t want to hurt someone he didn’t have to.

“Hide.” Kaneki’s soft voice made him look up instinctively.

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t kill anyone to get this. You know that, right? I know you wouldn’t want that.”

“Then how _would_ you go about getting this?”

“Well…” He looked down. “The Anteiku ghouls don’t want to kill humans either. You and I aren’t alone in that. So, instead of killing for food, they gather from suicides, and distribute it  as is needed. Then no one has to be killed.” Hide looked back at his food, feeling sick.

“So instead we eat someone who killed themselves?”

“It’s better than the alternative for us, Hide.” While he guessed that was true, he didn’t want to admit it out loud, not to him, not right now. He opened the package, looking at the inside, disgusted with himself for even thinking about doing this.

“I need you to leave.”

“Okay.” Kaneki stood up, giving him an understanding look before exiting the room. Once he was gone, Hide allowed himself to cry, sinking his teeth ravenously into the packaged meat, his hunger overcoming him. _Why do I have to do this?_

 

It took weeks of reluctant, guilty eating before Hide was strong enough that doctor Kanou decided he could try to work off the muscle atrophy and learn to walk again. While this seemed fine and good, it was Kaneki who was the only free party member who could help Hide recover.

At first, Hide just had to lift his limbs, and when he was tired, he could spend the rest of the day playing on his old Nintendo DS, which Kaneki had helpfully procured for him. He’d given him a reluctant “thank you”, but in truth it did wonders to help curb his boredom. For that, he was grateful, but he still didn’t quite have it in him to forgive the damage that was done. Eventually, he also had to begin working his legs. Kaneki would walk him around the room, an arm around his waist, Hide’s slung over his shoulder. The contact hurt Hide’s heart more than the forced movement hurt his legs hurt him, and he would pull away as soon as he could. Yet, being away from Kaneki hurt, but being with him hurt too. All in all, he was sick of it.

RC cells boosted his muscular strength, aiding his healing so he could move again a month after waking up. The next segment of his healing- relearning how to fight. Whether to hunt or as self-defense, the doctor didn’t care. Hide was no longer his responsibility after this leg of the journey. Hide met Kaneki in an empty room of the laboratory, his knuckles wrapped to keep them from being damaged.

“Hide?” Kaneki said, questioningly. “This is just a light sparring match, to get used to fighting again. You didn’t have to-” That was when he threw the first punch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the next chapter!  
> I don't have a beta reader, so yeah, this might not be great. If anyone wants to be my beta reader for this fic, please let me know! All comments are highly appreciated, so please don't be shy, I love getting comments!


	6. Release of Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Shiro from the HideKane support group for helping beta read this for me!

Kaneki gasped as Hide’s fist collided with his stomach, the next punch aimed at his head. With a little more time to respond, Kaneki managed to move slightly, his jaw being hit instead of his face.

“H- Hide!” _What’s going on? Why are you attacking me? Were you really this angry at me? So bitter? Oh god- Hide… I’m sorry, please, understand-!_

“No! Shut up and listen to me!” Another blow grazed his ribs as he tried to evade the other's attacks. He kicked Kaneki to the floor, the white haired boy looking up at him with pain flashed across his eyes. Hide straddled his hips, grabbing his collar with one hand to keep him down. He used his other hand to  pound on Kaneki's chest as he continued to lash out. Tears started to overflow from his eyes as he spoke.

“I don't _want_ to be like _this_!” He sobbed, voice quivering with emotion, his feelings pouring out uncontrollably. “I don't want to be a _ghoul_ , I don't want to be _stuck_ here, and I _don't_ want to be mad at you! I want things to go back to _how they were!_ ”

Kaneki bit his lip, grabbing the other’s collar and twisted his hips to roll them over so he was on top of Hide. Then, he released his grip, instead grasping both Hide’s wrists with one hand, slapping the other across the face with his free hand.

“Do you think I _wanted_ this for you? That I _wanted_ to turn you into a ghoul? You were _dead_ , Hide!” Kaneki snapped at him. “You were dead and you’re the most goddamn important thing in this entire fucked up world to me! I didn’t want to live without you, so I’d be damned before I let you be gone forever! I had no choice! It was either lose you or make you become what I did, but with you, _I_ have a second chance! I can give you the _support_ I didn’t let myself have! You don’t _have_ to feel like you have to be stronger to protect others, because I can protect you! All I wanted was for you to live, don’t you _get that?_ ” He asked, voice full of pain and anger.

“I was fine with dying! I got to find you again! I knew that you were _okay_ and that was all I needed!” Hide sobbed.

“What, are you really that stupid? I needed you too! But since I thought you didn’t need me as a ghoul, I left! But with you here, I can’t lose you again! I _care_ about you!”

“I care about you too… you’re my best friend… and I never… _never_ wanted things to end up like this.”

“I didn’t either. Please, understand… This was never my intention.”

“I… I guess I see. I’m- I’m so sorry…”

“I’m sorry too.” Kaneki said, as he pulled Hide into a sitting position and hugged him tightly. Hide hugged back, burying his face in Kaneki’s shoulder. He sniffled, feeling pathetic. The smell of Kaneki entered his nose, comforting, yet painful. _I can’t believe I attacked him like that… Kaneki is my best friend, and I hurt him._

“Kaneki, forgive me for… All of this.”

“You’re forgiven.” Kaneki said soothingly. “Do you think you can forgive me for turning you into a ghoul?”

“Yeah, it’ll take time, but… I think I can.” Hide said softly, too exhausted to fight anymore. If this was what he was to be now, a ghoul, then he’d just have to accept it and move on. However, accepting this would be too difficult alone, and the thought of Kaneki leaving him like this was too frightening to leave alone. “Promise that you won’t leave me anymore?”

“I promise. I’ll never leave you, ever again.” Kaneki said, his tone regretful. “I’ll stay with you as long as you want me to.”

“Thank you…” He said, relieved..

“It’s no problem. Hey, you’re pretty strong now, too. We should have some actual sparring matches sometime.” The white haired boy said, changing the subject.

“You really want to?” The other boy perked up.

“Yeah, I do. It could be therapeutic, both mentally and physically, don’t you agree?”

“Sounds reasonable to me.” Hide laughed softly.

“We can start tomorrow. For today, how about we take a walk around the mansion, just you and me? Then afterwards, we can do whatever you want, okay?” Kaneki asked, pulling back to look the other in the eyes. The black haired boy wiped his eyes, looking into his white haired friend’s.

“I’d like that.” He agreed, smiling weakly.


	7. Out Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An outing and a reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, I got busy with stuff ^-^'

Hide was still shaky on his feet, though he could walk on his own again. As they walked, Kaneki would offer him his hand if he looked too unsteady. Walking around the mansion had become their morning ritual, something to do together before breakfast. Sometimes there was a comfortable silence, other times, they would talk as the time flew by. Hide sat down on a bench in the middle of the large, unruly backyard.

The trees were losing their leaves in the autumn cold, giving the mostly abandoned mansion an even more eerie look. The doctor was usually away on Aogiri business, leaving Hide and Kaneki to themselves until he got home for the night. Then, he’d give Hide a once-over, and go down to his lab afterwards, not to be seen again until the next morning.

Kaneki seated himself beside Hide, and they looked up at the clouds together. It felt like hours before either one spoke.

“So…” Hide started, his voice soft.

“Yeah?”

“This is nice, don't you think?”

“Well, yeah, it is. Why?” Hide shrugged.

“I'm just thinking. Since my legs are much better, I think it'd be good to go out somewhere.”

“You mean out in public?” Kaneki turned to the other worriedly. “Are you sure you can handle that?”

“Hey, I'll be fine. I need some hair dye anyway, so one outing won't be too much.” Hide assured. By now, his hair was past his shoulders and it's natural black hair. While he would admit he looked pretty cool when his kakugan was on, as it matched his hair and made him look fierce, at the same time long hair was incredibly inconvenient and that wasn't what he needed.

“I can go out and get you the dye alone…”

“No, I want to go with you! I'm getting bored, staying here all the time. I wanna go out! I want to see what happened while I was out.”

“Hide, it's dangerous!” Kaneki argued.

“So is everything, now that we're ghouls! And I still want some semblance of a normal life!”

“I know, just… When… _If_ we go out, you have to stay close to me! You can't be reckless!”

“It's no problem! We'll just be two college age guys hanging out!” Hide smiled, seeing that he'd won. “Hey, maybe we could even get you a date while we're out.” He chuckled, nudging his arm with his elbow. “A nice, hot ghoul babe!” The other boy blushed.

“I don't need a girlfriend, Hide. I'm fine without one.”

“Aww, don't be like that!”

“Don't embarrass me, please…” The white haired boy looked away, obviously flustered.

“Not in public I won't~!” Kaneki huffed, standing up.

“We can go out tomorrow. We'll have a shopping trip together, but that's all I can really promise you, okay?”

“That's enough.” Hide agreed. Though he was unhappy with the idea of being stuck inside again, he understood that the other was just doing what he could to keep him safe. Besides, now they were together again, they were inseparable, a fact that made his chest swell with happiness. He stood up, wrapping an arm over Kaneki's shoulders and pulling him closer. He pulled him towards the manor, a grin wide on his face. “Come on, Ken, let's go!”

“I'm coming as fast as I can, Hide! You're the one slowing me down.” The ex-blond pulled his arm away.

“How's this then- race you inside!” He started running towards the door, the other only realizing a second after and chasing him down.

“You _ass_!” He laughed as he ran.

The next day, as promised, Kaneki agreed to take him out shopping. Hide tied his hair up in a ponytail, while Kaneki put on a hoodie to cover his hair. Disguised as normal humans, they headed out. Hide looked around in wonder at the buildings of the city, marvelling over how much had changed in only a year.

“Aw, that shop disappeared?”

“Yeah, quite a few places moved after they heard about Anteiku. A burned ghoul building beside them just wasn't good for business, I guess.”

“Ah, that sucks. Do you think Touka or anyone else is going to reopen Anteiku, or a place like it?”

“Probably. I don't know though. I haven't talked to anyone since… Well, last year.”

“Hey, you're kidding, right? Ken, you've gotta do other things with your life than worry about me.”

“That isn't the only thing I do.” He rolled his eyes. “It's just what I've been doing more recently.”

“Pfft, weirdo.”

“Who's weird?”

“You.”

“No, you are!” Kaneki laughed, bringing Hide into a store. It was a small place, a convenience store by the looks of it. He hadn't looked at the name of the place while walking in. He looked around as his friend walked away to browse the hair products. Kaneki had helped him with his hair dye before, so Hide trusted that he'd get a good type. However, he didn't focus on it, instead looking through all the candies in the candy isle. _Still the same. That's nice at least, I'm not behind on candy._ Next he checked the magazines, reading through with fascination until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Kaneki, holding two boxes of hair dye under his arm.

“You gonna pay for those?” He questioned.

“Nah, I'd prefer if you did.” Hide said it with a toothy grin, obviously joking. Still, Kaneki pulled the magazines from under his arm where he'd stashed them, then pulled the one he held from his hand to set all the items on the counter. “Hey, you don't have to do that!”

“Too bad, I'm gonna.” He replied, paying for the stack of items.

“Have a nice day.” The cashier said in a tired voice, handing Kaneki the bag of items.

“You too.” Kaneki smiled at them, using his free hand to hold Hide’s wrist and pull him outside.

“Woah, okay, where to next?”

“You'll see!” And so the day went, with the two boys bustling around shopping, laughing and teasing each other all day. Feeling as if his heart was light as air, Kaneki felt as if he was home safe once again.

Meetings with the higher ups of Aogiri were not either common it uncommon for doctor Kanou. Normally Ayato would ask him about the creation of half ghouls as an army, the magnification of their ghoul abilities, about his work, and other things that seemed quite mundane. Never before had he seemed so angry though.

“You know about Kaneki Ken, right? Since you were the fucker who made him one of us ghouls? One year- after one fucking year of being gone, and now I'm hearing of him being sighted? You knew about this, didn't you? You fucking deceitful shit, tell me everything you know about him, or I'll rip you apart!” Ayato yelled at him, his kakugan and kagune activated in a display of aggression. The doctor put his hands up, feigning innocence as he responded in a calm manner.

“Hey now, there's no need to be so violent. I never deceived from you, you just didn't ask. Now that you have questions about it, I can respond, you see?”

“You tricky little… fine. Then tell me, what has Kaneki been doing this past year, after running away and _betraying_ Aogiri?”


	8. The Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short because they only get a short time to be happy before it all turns to shit! ^u^

Hide relaxed, feeling Kaneki’s hands softly massage his scalp. The comforting, soft touches mixed with the warmth of the water that ran through his hair made his mind drift. His eyes were closed and he was leaning back against the edge of the cracked-edged porcelain tub, letting Kaneki’s hands work their magic. The window was open to let out the vapors from the hair dye out, letting a nice breeze into the bathroom.

“There…” Kaneki said soothingly. “Your hair’s all dyed again, just the way you like it.”  

“Really? Didja get all the dye out too?”

“Yup!” Kaneki said, dropping a towel on Hide’s face with a grin. Hide laughed, taking it off his face to cry his hair with it once he’d sat upright.

“What was that for?”

“I dunno. Just felt like it.” Kaneki shrugged, a smile on his lips.

“So mean, Ken~” Hide whined playfully.

“You know you love me.” Hide blushed. He hadn’t meant to think of his statement like that, but it definitely sounded romantic to him. The idea of being with his friend… _That’s too embarrassing to think about!_

“Hey, did you really have to say it like that…?”

“It’s not a problem, is it?” Kaneki asked, frowning slightly. “I mean, you are my best friend…”

“No, no, it’s not a problem. Just wasn’t expecting you to say it like that.” Kaneki’s face relaxed to a look of relief.

“Ah, sorry. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…”

“No, it’s fine. I love you too, Ken. A- as a friend, of course.”

“Yeah, platonically.” Kaneki washed his hands, drying them on the towel that hung on the wall. Hide walked up behind him, hugging him.

“Aw, you’re too heavy to pick up anymore…”

“Well duh!” The white haired boy laughed. “I’m strong now!”

“No fair! You gotta share some six pack with your best bro, you know? I lost mine!”

“Too bad!” Kaneki said, sticking out his tongue. Hide gasped in mock offense.

“Yet you still want me to dye your hair, too? How cruel! Now get your butt on the ground and your head in the bathtub so I can start on this.”

“Okay!” Kaneki sat down where Hide previously was, letting him help him dye his hair. The dye was black, the same as it originally was, back before it was turned white from Yamori’s torture. With his hair back to a normal color, perhaps, he thought, he could blend into society again, and be less detectable. Plus, it had the bonus of hair dye days, the first of which Hide had been glad to announce was that day. It had only been a day since they had gone out together, so why… _Why do I already have a bad feeling?_


	9. Dread

A week passed, leaving Kaneki with a sick feeling in his stomach that got worse every day. He could try as he might to shake it off, but he knew he couldn't. It was the same feeling of incoming disaster that he held on certain days, like when his aunt was particularly angry, or the day he went on a date with Rize. Though, on that day, the feeling of catastrophe was overpowered by his anxiety. Despite his hopes to keep it from him, Hide had obviously noticed his discomfort, and the paranoia that went with it.

“Hey, hey, heyyy, Kaneki! What's up? You're acting all weird-like. What's going on?” He pestered.

“It's nothing, I hope.” Kaneki said, hoping that it was just a bout of needless anxiety. He sighed, wrapping the blanket around him tighter. He was laying on the couch on his side with his knees tucked to his chest. He really wasn’t feeling up to moving much today anyway, so he just stayed on the couch, trying not to focus on anything in particular for too long.

“That's still no good! Why don't we do something? You could read to me, or we could listen to music!” He suggested. “Even though we like different styles in general, it could be fun. We could  _ dance _ together!” He joked, waggling his eyebrows at him.

“Yeah and you could pretend I'm some beautiful woman instead.” Kaneki said dryly, rolling his eyes. “Sorry, I'm being negative… I'm just really not in the mood for anything today, Hide.”

“That's fine.” The blond said, walking away from whatever it was he was doing to sit down on the couch by Kaneki's feet. He set a hand on the other's calf, studying him with a sympathetic look. “We don't have to do anything.”

Kaneki nodded, looking out at the air in front of him, not focusing on anything with his eyes. After all he'd done… he honestly felt bad. Leaving Hide, putting his friends in danger, joining Aogiri, having Hide sacrifice himself for him, and then bringing him back as a ghoul… After all he'd done to Hide, why was he not still  _ mad _ ? Why was he still here? Didn't he resent him?

_ He should, _ he thought.  _ He definitely should.  _ A shiver ran through him, and he bit his lip. It was a painful thing to think about. He was his best friend, and was for the longest time also his one and only friend. He didn't want to lose him, though he might not be the best person for him. He wanted to improve for him, and be the person Hide deserved to have in his life, instead of the wretched existence that he'd become. Yet Hide was still here, regardless.

The hand on his leg started to move, gently running over his skin, the rest of his hand squeezing his leg soothingly. Kaneki was only in a T shirt and shorts, lower legs poking out of the blanket for Hide to massage. The blond wore a loose shirt and sweatpants, not much more prepared for the day than him, but he still felt like he should have done better.

“Hey, it's okay, man.” Hide said softly. “I can tell you're thinking about something that's making you feel bad, but you should let it go. The past is gone, so we should try to go towards the future.” Kaneki nodded, propping himself up with a hand and wrapping his other arm around Hide's neck. He was so kind and bright, so completely above him.

“Will you stay with me?” Kaneki asked, his voice soft and delicate as it wavered. He sounded so vulnerable, and it made Hide's heart ache. The arm around him and the others words surprised him, but he let go of Kaneki's calf to hug him back. Truly, he cared about the other- he had for years. He had been upset with him before, but would still  _ never _ consider leaving him. Why would Kaneki think he would, after all they had been through?

“Of course, Kaneki! What kind of friend do ya take me for?” He asked, feeling the other shift to hug him with both arms, leaning against him with all his weight.

“A good one, but… Still.” His voice cracked, his grip tightening as he began to cry. “After all I've done, aren't you angry at me? Scared of me? Anything?”

“Nope.” He said, pulling away to hold Kaneki by his shoulders, looking into the other's now puffy and reddened eyes. “You're my friend, and I don’t think you’d ever hurt someone on purpose without good cause. You’re a good person, you know?” He explained. The other frowned.

“No I’m not… I’m a  _ ghoul _ now… I’ve done bad things, been a bad person.” He said, wiping away his tears in an attempt to be strong.

“So? Everyone does bad things. That doesn't make them bad.”

“But I-”

“Hey, it's fine. You aren't a bad person. I believe in you, and I'll be with you through it all.” Kaneki smiled softly at this, sadness in his eyes. He didn't deserve kindness like this.

“Yeah… Thanks, Hide.”

“No problem, man. Wanna watch some dumb movies together until it's bed time?” He asked, patting his shoulder as if to gently reinforce his earlier statements.

“Sure. Sounds good.” He agreed, his voice barely over a whisper. Hide was so kind to him… So caring. Everything he needed, but didn't deserve. But indulging himself in moderation was fine, right? He sat up, and smiled at his closest friend. “Let's watch a mystery or something.”

“Sounds good to me!” Kaneki relaxed, almost believing that everything was okay as the other said, until his past came back to haunt him.

 

\---

  
There was a slamming on the door, and when the door fell, the old mansion inhabited only my two half ghouls and on occasion one human and his experiment ghoul guards was filled with a hundred irritated ghouls. Late into the night Aogiri tree attacked the two unsuspecting half ghouls, who were cuddled together on the sofa asleep.


	10. Happiness, Ripped Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aogiri has once again found Kaneki, and is determined to drag him back into their ranks.

Kaneki woke up to the crashing of the door, eyes wide in fear and his left eye activated. He struggled to his feet, still dazed from sleep. Hide opened his eyes, sitting up. He looked surprised, though still sleepy. What would usually have been the white of his right eye was black, his iris a brilliant red.

“Kaneki?”

“Hide, go hide.” He hissed.

“What? No, I'm not going anywhere without you.”

“You have to! Someone is here!”

“Then we should both hide!”

“No! They- if it is who I think it is, then they don't want you! You shouldn't be anywhere near them!”

“Then who is it, Ken?”

“After I left you, for a while I was in Aogiri, okay?” He said, raising his voice.

“You did? But-!” Hide couldn't finish before the room was flooded with ghouls in cloaks, who surrounded them. Their kagune were flowing out behind them, and a hundred masks at least poured in to stare at them. Ayato stepped through the crowd towards Kaneki, glaring at him with obvious resentment.

“So, is this why you betrayed us? Is  _ he _ why you left behind your fellow ghouls?!” The youth demanded.

“No! I left on my own!” Kaneki said, kagune unfurling behind him as he stepped in front of Hide to shield him. “Leave him out of this. He has nothing to do with it!”

“Doctor Kanou says otherwise.” Kaneki's face paled, heart beating in his ears. No, he had to distract him, get him away from Hide-!

“He's wrong! Disregard him! He’s not important to you!”

“Well, if he is what took you from us, then maybe we should kill him so you won't have anything to keep you from doing your job anymore.” Ayato said simply, a smirk on his lips as they stared at each other. All attention was on Kaneki, making it obvious to the blond he was not deemed a threat, but a bargaining chip. Hide looked around at the Aogiri ghouls, observing the henchmen and the especially ones who appeared higher ranked, thinking of a strategy.

“No!” Kaneki said, voice pleading.

“Then make your choice. Us, or death? If you come with us, we won’t have to kill your human, as long as he doesn’t squeal. Mm, not that that’d be advantageous at all. After all, you’re just as wanted as we are.” Kaneki looked around. There were too many ghouls to beat, especially since Hide hadn't even tried his kagune yet. He was overpowered and outnumbered. His mind was in panic mode, every part of him screaming to save Hide in any way possible. Hide grabbed the back of his shirt, a determined look in his eyes.

“Kaneki…”

“I'm sorry for all the trouble…” He said softly, sadly. “I've put you in danger again.”

“No, you didn't.” Hide said. “I'm sorry you have to do this, but you don't have stay for me.” The blond closed his eyes, guilt eating at his insides. If he told him to fight, undoubtedly they'd both perish. If Kaneki left him, god only knew when they'd see each other again. However, it was doubtful that they'd put a guard on him, so he could, after a few days, track them down.  _ Oh wait… Track them. _ Though they'd likely changed their base since the CCG’s attack on it, he could track them down again. So if he could just get more trackers, he'd be able to see Kaneki again not long after! He couldn't put his plan into words, or else the other ghouls would know too, so he reached out to Kaneki. His beloved, long time friend, who he cared for deeply. He couldn't lose him again, he wouldn't. Now, he was more important than ever to him.

“Hide? Please, don’t say that. You- you know I can’t leave you.”

“Then you’d rather you both die?”

“No! No, not at all! It’s just been so long since we were together and happy, and I… I don’t want to give that up yet.”

“Go. You've done enough for me, and it's not worth getting yourself killed over.” Hide said softly.

“But Hide, I can't lose you! Not again!” Kaneki said, shaking like a leaf. It was obvious that he wasn't doing well under the stress.

“You won't. We've been together forever, right? I won't lose you. We’ll meet again someday. Somehow… We won’t be apart together.” Now, to make himself less suspicious to the ghouls, and so Kaneki would go with them. “I promise, we will meet again.”

“H- Hide…” Kaneki said, tears forming in his eyes as he leaned back against Hide's hug. He turned around, kagune slumping to the floor weakly as he hugged Hide back. “Fine… I'll go with you. Just don't… Don't hurt Hide.”

“Your human won't be hurt unless he gets in our way. A guard will be posted on him though, to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.” Ayato said simply. Kaneki nodded, pressing a soft kiss to Hide's forehead. When they were little, Hide would hug him and kiss his forehead to comfort him when he was hurt or upset. Now, he was doing the same, despite him being the one in pain. Still, he figured, surely Hide was in pain too, so the gesture would go both ways.

“I'm sorry, I wish I could have been a better friend.”

“Don't worry… You’re my best friend.” He replied softly. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” Kaneki replied in a broken voice, just barely over a whisper. Ayato nodded, a few henchmen grabbing Kaneki and tearing him away from Hide. The blond closed his eyes, starting to cry as the house was slowly emptied again, leaving him alone and without his friend. Ideas for a rescue or no, he couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly lonely and useless, once again being unable to save Kaneki.


	11. Ask a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide invites over a friend, needing some help.

Hide was left alone in the mansion, guards stationed around every exit and window. One guard was set for each set of windows, and there were two at every door to the outside. Since he had to pretend to be human, he forced himself to eat human food whenever the guards walked in and expected him to eat. Fortunately for him, they didn’t check often, and he could usually get to one of the brown paper packages in the fridge to eat properly. The rest of the time, he was usually in the basement, trying in vain to use his kagune. He couldn’t bring it out, no matter what he did. He didn’t even know for sure  _ what _ kagune type he had.

He sighed, sitting crosslegged on the floor. He was wearing his green pants that he used to wear so much, back when everything was still normal. His shirt was off, cast away across the back of a discarded chair. Truth be told, he had no idea how to get his kagune out. In theory, yes, he could control the RC cells to activate his kagune, but in practice, it was really difficult. He supposed it was because it was a muscle, one of which he had so far never used before.

He reached over, gently touching each part of his back where the kagune could come out. From what Kaneki told him, he’d gotten the kagune of some random ghoul, the operation based off of his best friend’s, and somehow survived, only for his life to once again turn to shit. He was once more without his friend, not knowing where to find him, and having to stalk ghouls to find him. He was alone again, and just as helpless to ghouls as he was as a human, except now he was slightly stronger than a human. Sure, he had sparred with Kaneki and trained as an investigator, but without his kagune and with no quinque he would be eaten immediately by some ghoul with cannibalistic tendencies, and he didn’t fancy himself a meal. He could go get the help of the CCG like he had before, but now it was unlikely he wouldn’t get caught by their RC scanners, especially he had effectively become a ghoul, just not one with use of the kagune-

_ Damn! Thinking of it is so irritating! How can I deal with this?! The doctor is out of the question, as is Kaneki. Who else do I know? Oh! Nishiki is a ghoul! Maybe him! Touka would probably wanna help out Kaneki too, so maybe I could ask her… I’ll start with Nishiki. He’s my best bet. _ Hide stood up, determined. He went upstairs, grabbing his phone off the charger. It had been out of use for the past… At this point, he had been busy or inactive about a year? He had only used it for games while recovering, and he hadn’t even messaged his family yet, having been so completely caught up in the euphoric state that was being with Kaneki. He hadn’t even thought of anyone else… How odd. He unlocked his phone, pulling up Nishiki’s contact. Had Kaneki talked to him recently- talked to anyone else recently?  _ Hm… _ He sighed, hitting call and putting the phone up to his ear. It rang a few times before being answered.

“ _ Nagachika?! _ ” Nishiki said from the other side of the phone, shock obvious in his voice. “I thought you were  _ dead _ ! What the fuck happened?!”

“Ah, well…” Hide chuckled nervously. “I kinda… I think I was dead for a while? But anyway, I got a bit of a problem, and I need some help.”

“You little shit-! You think you can disappear for  _ months _ without saying anything, tell me you  _ died _ somehow, then ask me for  _ help?! _ What the fuck do you-”

“Senpai, please! I’m sorry, but I swear I can explain! I just need a hand, okay?”

“You fucker… You better have a fucking amazing explanation or I’m gonna kick your ass so bad.”

“Yeah, I know you will, don’t worry.” Hide said. “You know the, uh… Wait, maybe you don’t, shit. There’s this hella big mansion outside of town. I can tell you the address, I just need you to come over, okay?”

“Fine. Text me the address. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Thank you, senpai.” Nishiki paused, then hung up on him. Hide texted him the address, then set down the phone. He contemplated calling his family briefly.  _ No, _ he thought.  _ It’s too soon for that. Trouble is coming, and it’d be best if that was done first, so my family doesn’t get put in danger. _ He went back downstairs to get his shirt, then walked outside onto the porch. The guards went to block him.

“Hey, hey!” He said, throwing his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “No worries, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Then why are you out here?” One guard said.

“Just taking a walk.”  _ Observing the guards. Should I ask about Nishiki coming over…? No, they’d say no anyway. Let them try to attack him. It’ll fail anyway. Still, I feel kinda bad not warning him… He’ll be fine though. _ He smiled, reassuring himself.

“No you don’t.” The guard snarled. “Back inside.”

“Can’t I even go to the garden? You could follow me. Besides, I’m human. What could I do?”

“Too much trouble. Back inside.” The other guard added.

“Fine, fine.” He said, letting out an uneasy laugh. They weren’t much bigger than him, height or weight wise, but they were a threat as of current anyway. He stepped back inside. “Sorry for bothering you!” Hide closed the door, waiting in the living room for Nishiki to show up.

Hide was laying back on the sofa, reading a book he found in one of the many deserted and crumbling rooms, when he heard the first sounds of a fight outside. The guards on the door let out cries that sounded like “hey, you shouldn’t be here” and “what are you doing here” and then heard a crash and what sounded like Nishiki yelp. He set down his book.

“Company’s here…” He grumbled, sitting upright. He looked out of the windows on the door and by it to see the fight outside.

Nishiki and the guards had their kagunes out, and were jumping around as they fought. Other guards were rushing into the fight as Nishiki quickly and effectively killed the first two. The guards attacked the blond man quickly and without mercy, but their attacks were easily dodged. Nishiki then countered, getting into one of the Aogiri ghouls’ space and stabbing him with his glowing bikaku and throwing him to the side with distaste. Next, he rushed up to the other, grabbing him by his cloak collar and throwing him to the ground before stabbing him in the torso. Any other guards were quickly thrown to the side, not worthy of his time at this point. No more guards around to fight, he stormed inside, glaring at the blond on the couch.

“You better have a really fucking good explanation for this, or I swear I will end you.”

“I have an explanation, I promise.”

“Yeah? Then why the fuck do you have Aogiri guarding you while you’re out in the middle of fucking nowhere?” Hide took a breath, then tried to explain.

“Well you see, I got turned into a ghoul by Kaneki, using the same doctor that turned him into one. He saved me. We were living here peacefully for a while, then Aogiri came in here and took him away. Since then, they put a guard on me, thinking that I’m just a human.”

“ _ Kaneki’s _ human. Not exactly wrong.”

“Yeah, except I’m a ghoul now, remember?”

“Yeah, sure, I guess.”

“Well, now I need to get Kaneki back, but to do that I figure I need my kagune, right? But I don’t know how to activate it.” Nishiki paused, staring at him in shock.

“Are you serious? You asked me all the way here to tell you how to  _ fucking activate a kagune? _ ”

“Uh, yeah… Sorry.” Hide said, laughing nervously.

“You piece of  _ shit _ !”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually finished this chapter before chapter 10 was completed. RIP Nishiki tho, Hide's gonna give the poor guy a heart attack


	12. Punches and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training session and distant thoughts

A blow, aimed at his face. Weave under it. A kick, aimed at his side. Jump back out of its way. Sparring with Kaneki had been easier by far, the half ghoul afraid to hurt him. This was nothing like that. Nishiki threw another punch, which he easily dodged, only to get hit by the follow-up backhand. Hide let out a quiet grunt, which echoed through the makeshift arena. He paused, only for Nishiki to aim a slap to his cheek. He grabbed his wrist, effectively stopping the blow.

“Dumbass! Read the other person's movements! Now prepare for a follow-up attack!” Another kick, this time, lower. Hide moved, kicking Nishiki's other leg out from under him so he fell to the floor with a grunt, the other still holding his arm. “Follow it up! Now!”

Hide raised his foot, about to stomp down, then hesitated. Nishiki snapped his hand away and rolled away quickly. He got to his feet, and the blond leaped forward, sending a flurry of blows into the other's stomach. He lost himself in the cycle of attack, block, counter, fighting desperately as he thought of Kaneki. Was he hurt? Was he scared? Where was he? He had to fight for him- to get stronger so they could work together and be reunited forever. Even after so long, he hadn't forgotten about the unfortunate boy he'd associated himself with. Obviously, the other hadn't forgotten him either. He clung to that thought as he continued. Running out of energy, a rush of desperation filled him, the simulated fight seeming too real. Through his adrenaline, there was no pain, only a dull throbbing as the skin of his back parted to unveil his kagune. Two bright red wings flowed out behind him, and they seemed to shine whenever they shifted. Nishiki stared at him. Seeing his underclassman, the oh so human Hide, who now glowed with a ghoulish light, pressed the reality into him and took him by surprise. _This isn't right_ , he thought. _This can't be the same Hideyoshi._ When the blond lunged towards him, he grabbed him and pushed until his back was against the wall.

“Nagachika! Snap out of it!” When the other kept struggling, he slammed him against the wall again. “Nagachika!”

Hide slumped, blinking and then shaking his head. His whole body hurt from fighting. He felt like he'd collapse at any moment. The other let out a sigh, stepping away to let him slide down the wall and onto the floor. Hide looked up at him, then to his kagune. “Ah… So it can come out based on emotion?”

“Emotion and will.” The brunet said. “But you got really crazy during the fight. You okay?"

“I'm fine. Just got really upset… I'm fine now.”

“Are you really?”

“Yeah. I guess I'm still just really upset about Ken being taken. Couldn't do shit when it mattered, just like usual.”

“I'm not your fucking therapist, got that?” Nishiki said, kneeling down in front of him. “I'm your upperclassman, your friend's boyfriend, and Kaneki's coworker. That's it. You brought me into this, but I'll be damned if I'm stepping back now. You can't do shit to save your friend unless you get stronger. You're no use to him dead, so you're gonna break your ass training until you get the hang of fighting with your kagune. Can't control it? Good fucking luck. Last time we managed to save Kaneki from Aogiri was with help because the CCG showed up too! A nuisance who got in our way, but in the ends helpful nuisance. Can't use that card twice, so you'll have to work fifty times harder, you hear me? Train, then we can find their current base and get him back.”

Hide looked up at him in awe. _That was…_ “Woah man, didn't know you were a speechwriter.”

“Shut the fuck up! Just go take a break, I'll need to make a call.”

“Sir yes sir!” Hide said, giving him a tired laugh. He got up shakily, going to the lab/basement bathroom and splashing some cold water on his face. When he looked in the mirror, he barely recognized himself. His right eye was pitch black, except for the iris, which was red instead of their usual brown color. Red veins spread from it around that side of his face. He reached up, touching the bottom eyelid gently. His ukaku kagune was still behind him, making him look like a real ghoul, except for his human eye. He stood there, dumbstruck. Experimentally, he tried to move one of the RC cell wings. Like any other body part, they obeyed his command. “Holy shit…”

He stumbled over to the doctor's chair, which had wheels in each foot, and sat down. Pushing off objects, he rolled himself into the makeshift training arena. Nishiki had stood up, and was on the phone, obviously bickering with someone.

“No, I know it's unreasonable, but I'm sure you understand! I just need someone to train this guy to use his kagune! He's a fucking ukaku! Need an ukaku to teach him about ukaku if this is gonna be quick! You little- Fine! Fine, I'll buy you whatever you fucking want, just get over here! Yes, good. See you.” He hung up, then let out an irritated groan.

“Who was that?” Hide asked, startling him. Nishiki fell into a defensive stance, then relaxed when he saw who it was.

“Shit, Nagachika, don't do that!” He scolded. “It was Kirishima. Touka from Anteiku.”

“Oh, her! She's an ukaku?”

“Yeah. I told her to get her ass over here and help train you.”

“Thanks, Nishiki. I appreciate it.” Hide said honestly, smiling softly.

“Don't look at me like that, idiot. It's nothing.” He huffed in return.

“No really, thanks.”

Training was difficult, and as soon as he recovered from one session, he had to fight again. His muscles ached, but soon he was getting the hang of it. That evening, he laid down, absolutely exhausted. Hide laid down on what had been Kaneki's bed, staring at the ceiling. The room was empty, save for a few things here and there. A wardrobe, still containing a few articles of clothing; a bedside table, drawer empty; an old chair by the window, suspiciously devoid of dust; and the creaky old bed. The blankets were thick and smelled like a mixture of dust and Kaneki. Even after so long, Kaneki still had a unique smell to him. It was more obvious now that he was a half ghoul, but it made him feel at home. He wondered if he had a scent with a similar effect to the other. He buried his nose in the covers, trying to ignore the tickling feeling of dust in his nostrils. Cheap shampoo, coffee, and the vanilla scented soap that he'd always been fond of- that was what Kaneki smelled like. After the few days that had passed, the smell was more faint, but he didn't care at the moment. Memories were enough for him, to keep him on the right track until they'd be reunited.

Hide had always had a soft spot for Kaneki. Seeing the quiet, lonely other boy as a child, he'd pitied him. Once he knew him, he treasured him. Kaneki had a sense of refinement about him, yet also an air of fragility. He cared desperately for him, calling him his best friend for lack of a better term. Hide had never been as good with words as him, and was so awkward with his emotions, it made it hard to say what was what. Sure, he knew the basics. When you're angry, you feel like lashing out. When you're sad you want to cry. It was the in between emotions he had trouble with.

Sometimes he'd see someone he thought was attractive, and he wanted to tell them so, ask them out, and have fun doing things like holding hands, kissing, blah blah blah. That was romantic love. Friends, he wanted to be around, make laugh, and have fun with. That was platonic love. What he felt for Kaneki was neither of those- not exactly. He'd thought about it before, when they were still happy and human together. What he felt for Kaneki wasn't just friendship, it was an intense desire to protect him. He wanted to make him smile, make him laugh, make him feel at ease. He wanted to make him happy, and being around him made him happy in an indescribable way. He was his best friend, yet, if he looked too bad into it, he doubted that. In his own way, the only way he thought he could describe it was that he loved him. Sometimes he thought it was just in a friendly way, but then other times he'd feel so lighthearted and flustered around him, he wondered if it wasn't. If it was romantic love, he truly was unfortunate. The other would never love him back as more than a friend, he thought. Any feelings would be unrequited and painful, so he usually preferred not to dwell on them or think into them.

The ceiling spread above him, wooden lines flowed repetitively above him like a plank river. Closing his eyes, he imagined everything Kaneki had gone through. Kaneki with that girl, Rize. In the hospital, unable to eat. Finding out he was a half ghoul. He imagined the fighting, the bloodshed, the fear that tore him away from his best friend. He could imagine Kaneki, scared and alone while trapped in Aogiri tree, and remembered the fact he'd unknowingly helped free him by tracking that ghoul. All that time, Kaneki would have tried not to hurt his friends, and only been hurt because of it. Then, he had still gone out of his way to bring Hide back from the brink of death, after all that? Only to be here.

He looked over at the window. He could almost see him sitting in that chair, looking out the window and unable to sleep. Was he thinking of him now? Did he know he was going to be saved? He wished he could reach him somehow, wipe away his tears and tell him it would be alright. He'd kiss his forehead and hug him tight, and do his best to calm him down so they could go. After this, Aogiri would almost definitely be after them. Perhaps they could run away together. Just the two of them and the entire world. He closed his eyes, consciousness fading as he succumbed to his exhaustion. _Yeah… Just us, and the entire world to travel together._


	13. Bad Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing goes well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's chapter 13, do you really expect me to make things happy? Also I hope this is okay, I wrote this in class today rip

Kaneki closed his eyes, trying to focus on anything but his surroundings. Chained to a chair, pain ran through him with every small attack on him as Ayato took his anger out on him, slashing and screaming. The younger boy's appearance blurred, appearing to his dead eyes to become his mother, lashing out at him. He was no longer in his mid twenties, but a child again. A child, afraid to go home but still blindly hoping for the best. A child, with nowhere to go, no friends in sight. A child, alone. Days had passed of him returning to Aogiri, and Ayato seemed insistent on breaking him to pay him back for all he'd done to him.

Kaneki had been “half killed” a few times now, body broken over and over to the point time didn't matter. He had no idea what day, month, anything it was. All he could tell was that he wasn't getting saved this time. He hung his head just in time for a kagune to slash his cheek. _Hide…_

 

* * *

 

Touka brushed off her hands, a smirk on her face.

“You're a much better fighter than Kaneki started as. Color me impressed!”

“Well, I've had practice.” The blond laughed breathlessly. He'd sparred with Touka for about an hour before they took a break, so by then he was very tired. The girl liked to fight dirty when she could, so he had focused on blocking her attacks instead of fighting dirty himself. He had watched her attacks carefully and blocked and dodged where he could, researching the way she fought.

“Yeah, I can tell.” Touka said. “Now. Let's get that kagune working.” She drew her kagune, so Hide did the same. This time, he lunged at her first.

Hide threw a punch, which was easily dodged, only for him to spun in a circle to slash at her with his ukaku. She gasped, and jumped backwards to avoid his attack. He followed up with a kick, which Touka took with a yelp. She fired kagune “feather” bullets, which hit and shattered parts of Hide’s own ukaku. He grunted, and jumped back. Both gasped for breath, and watched each other cautiously.

“You are good.” Hide nodded, not wanting to admit to having been an investor, especially not to a ghoul he knew had lost someone in every likelihood.

“Thanks.” They leapt to meet each other once more, clashing in a mess of kagune fluid, blood, and RC cells. Their fight went on and off for hours, the two only occasionally sparing words for Touka to tell Hide he's doing such and such wrong, or this or that right. Nishiki and Touka would switch places occasionally in sparring Hide or going to bring them meat or coffee. Training continued like that for days, simply a mix of blood and sweat, occasionally broken by sweat, food, and conversation.

 

* * *

A month of anxiety passed, Hide's every thought plagued with Kaneki and echoings of his screams haunted his dreams. Every time he had and hadn't been there tore at him, and he found it difficult to sleep. He hated feeling helpless to do anything. He groaned, staring up at his ceiling from his bed. All night he'd been restless, unable to sleep and tortured with worry when he could. He picked himself up to a sitting position, rubbing away sleep. The decision was barely a conscious one, but he stood up, grabbing his jacket and headphones then heading out. He slipped his shoes on on the way out, walking almost as if still in a dream out to the town.

The walk there was long and lonely, though he felt distant to it all. He slipped on his headphones, listening to a song that reminded him of Kaneki. Soft, sad English music graced his ears as he walked. In the town, only a few people walked. Scared humans, cautious humans, ghouls either going home from hunting or looking for a meal, and so on. One ghoul was posing as a drunk, stumbling down the road. He patted his shoulder, placing a small tracking device on him. A few more rested in his jacket pocket, a memory of a time so long ago, when he looked for Kaneki through the CCG. By the end of the night, they'd all be gone.

“Take care, okay?” He barely heard himself saying that. He continued to walk, part of him wondering what he was doing, as if be had or would find a clue. Yet still, he looked around for ghouls, trackers placed on any and all he could until there were only a couple left. On the way back to the almost abandoned mansion he was made to call home, he passed a younger man. The other reeked of danger and blood. Along with that, a hint of a familiar scent. Hide froze up, recognizing it easily. _Kaneki._ He glanced at him as he passed, shoulders brushing as he pressed a tracker to his sleeve. The younger glared at him briefly, then continued on his way wordlessly, leaving Hide to hurry back fearfully.


	14. Entering Aogiri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide is determined to get Kaneki back.

Hide hugged himself as he walked towards the new Aogiri base. It was daylight, so many people were moving around, unsuspecting of what was lurking around them. Touka was texting on her phone, perfectly playing the bored teen, heading somewhere else. Nishiki was bickering with a few other members of the previous Anteiku staff. All had agreed to help get back their coworker and friend, though they’d eventually agreed on who should and shouldn’t go based on strength and stealth. People who stood out too much couldn’t go with them, immediately excluding Tsukiyama, despite the fact he begged and pleaded to go with them. In the end, their group came down to Touka, Nishiki, Yomo, and a few ghouls here and there from Enji and Irimi’s gangs. In the end, they had a good ten to fifteen strong ghouls to fight with. Hide hummed as he walked, trying not to think too much of where they were going. His headphones were over his ears, though nothing was playing. He watched the crowds to see if anyone seemed to suspect him as they walked.

He looked at the address he’d written down for the Aogiri base. A group of ghouls had crowded there when he’d tracked them, so he had been able to safely assume that’s where the base was. It was a construction site, long abandoned by now. A sewer line had been added, allowing for easy access in and out of the building. The basement had been built before the currently half-constructed main structure, according to his research. The building was a two story office building with a basement for storage, and had been abandoned after the company commissioning it went bankrupt and had to end the project. To learn all that he could about the building, Hide had stayed up late, to the point Touka had to yell and threaten to leave him behind to make him get any sleep. No matter what happened where, he wanted himself and the others to know what to do. He wanted to make sure he had a plan for whatever happened, though he trusted the others to react to the situation however was best, and to find Kaneki. He hoped they’d care about him as much as- no, maybe not as much as him, but enough in their own ways to do their best.

Kaneki had done so much for him, over the years. He was his closest friend, and being with him had helped him through a lot of stuff. Kaneki was his most precious one, the one who he’d gladly lay his life down for. Without him, he had no purpose. Nothing to go on for. Losing him once, he’d been barely able to cope, only focusing on finding him somehow, and staying in his usual routine for the most part so that when he returned, he’d have his usual life with him to return to. He’d never wanted anything more than to have Kaneki with him and make him happy. He felt guilty for his turning into a half ghoul, since he hadn’t realized soon enough, or, no, had he known? He couldn’t remember clearly, but he knew that he hadn’t warned Kaneki to stay away from Rize, so he felt guilty for everything he’d been through. He had always wanted to live a happy life together, as friends or more, he didn’t know. He’d figure it out eventually, but until then he just wanted to be together.

The group approached the Aogiri tree building, and each went their separate ways to find an entrance. Hide set his headphones down at his neck, looking around. No one seemed to suspect them yet. He hid himself in a crowd of people, slipping into the half nonexistent building at his first chance. _Kaneki, please wait for me. I’ll be there for you soon!_

 

* * *

 

Kaneki shook pitifully, eyes closed and tears running down. Someone was talking, but he couldn’t hear, couldn’t understand. Was anything really happening? Was any of this real? He opened his eyes, vision blurred terribly. He couldn’t see, couldn’t see anything. His vision faded to white, a familiar blond face appearing before him. He saw the blond first, then pale skin, pink lips, then kind eyes, looking at him with pity. He had a white shirt on, that seemed to glow and mix in with the expanse white behind him.

“Yo, Kaneki.” The blond spoke first. _You are… I know you. Hide. My Hide. Hide, here to save me. Save me, save me please. B- but I…_ The glowing other reached out, touching his cheeks gently. _No, no, don’t touch me! Don’t look at me! Hide, don’t see me like this… Don’t look, I’m… Ugly, unclean, disgusting…_

“Hi- de…” Kaneki spoke in a broken voice.

“Hey, Ken, it’s fine… You’re fine…” Hide cooed softly, leaning in towards him to look at him. “Ah, you look so hurt though… Don’t worry, I’ll make it all better. You’ll be fine, my sweet, dear Kaneki…”

Hide sat on Kaneki’s shaking legs, his own off to one side as he turned to face the white haired man. Carefully, he pulled him closer, kissing his eyes gently. Suddenly, nothing hurt anymore. The phantom pains, memories of long gone wounds had been tormenting for days, but now, none of that mattered. Nothing mattered but the blond in front of him. He pulled away slightly.

“Hide, I- I’m so so- rry…”

“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m here now… I’m here for you. I always have been…” Kaneki let out a soft sob, then looked up at him, only to see him start to fade. His heart felt like it stopped momentarily, and a scream pulled itself from his throat.

“Hide! No! Don’t leave me! I need you! _I need you!_ ” Thrust back into reality, Ayato the Aogiri tree guards assigned to his personal hell were looking at him oddly.

“Master Ayato?” One ghoul asked.

“It seems solitude is really getting to him.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Let him stay in his mind. Maybe then he’ll appreciate my offer for him to rejoin us, and leave his solitude behind.” Ayato said.

 

* * *

 

 

Hide ran through the halls of the building, trying to find some way down into the basement. He looked around, seeing no one. He didn’t dare call out and draw attention to himself. Seeing a corner, he halted, peeking around it carefully. Two guards, unsuspecting. He tossed off his jacket, not wanting it to get ruined. He let out a soft breath, then unleashed his kagune. His wings sprung from his back, ripping through the fabric of his shirt. The guards, hearing a noise, approached the corner. _Just as planned._ Hide smiled bitterly. He didn’t want to do this, but if he had to, he would. As the two guards approached, he sprung onto them. They had been caught by surprise, so they didn’t put up much of a fight. Hide’s wings tore through their uniforms easily, cutting into their limbs just enough to halt their movement. They fell to the ground, and from somewhere in the distance, there was a crash. It was too far away to care about at the moment. One guard stood up again, desperately attempting to lash out at him with their kokaku, but they were easily cut down. Hide turned to the other, who was frozen in fear.

“In Aogiri tree, but still so afraid… Ah, well, I guess I would be too… Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you any more.” Hide said. “I just want directions.”

“Directions to where, you half ghoul fuck?” The shaking ghoul spat.

“ Ah, what hate… I’m just looking for a friend… Maybe you know of him? He’s Kaneki Ken.”

“Kane…” The ghoul hesitated half a second before replying. “Never heard of him.”

“You’re lying… Don’t take me for an idiot, I hate that. Even though I guess it is easier that way, with humans… I can tell you’re lying. You sound too confident, and you paused too long. Now tell me _where I can find my Kaneki or you will_ **_regret it_ **.” Hide said with flat, fear invoking venom. The ghoul yelped, terror rising in their features.

“A- Ayato has him somewhere! Somewhere in the basement! Heard of some scientists and shit, but I don’t know anything, I swear!” The ghoul spoke rapidly, frantic to give an answer before Hide got more upset.

“Ah… That’s the answer I needed.” Hide smiled, walking past. “I’ll be on my way now. I’d run away now, before one of my accomplices decides you’re a threat to the mission…”

From there, finding the way down was easy. The guards had been standing in front of an elevator, something he hadn’t seen before. He’d expected more guards from Aogiri, but with the fact that there had been multiple people entering the building, he assumed that they had their hands tied with that, and triggering an alarm. When he got down the stairs, he expected a big greeting. In fact, he’d be disappointed if the oh so powerful Aogiri Tree were a pushover! He pushed the elevator button to go down, the doors opening momentarily. The trip down allowed him a few seconds to catch his bearings and prepare himself for the fight to come. As soon as the doors opened, there was chaos.

Yomo, as he remembered his name to be, along with a few gang related ghouls had already made their ways there it seemed. He was going to wonder how, but then he noticed a hole in the ceiling. That… Would explain the crash earlier, if they had destroyed the floor of the above floor to get down there. The room appeared to be a main commons area, a few hallways branching off of it. It wasn’t huge, but it was big enough, and full of about a hundred angry ghouls. He had only a few seconds to get a grasp of the situation before being submerged in battle. Someone lashed out at him with a kagune, which he managed to dodge mostly, getting only a scratch. He countered, using his training to dodge and weave through the ghouls, attacking and countering any Aogiri ghouls he could. He made his way to a hallway, having to fight through as more Aogiri ghouls came to replace their fallen comrades on the battlefield. A few had run off down different hallways, as what he could guess was their sort of alarm system. Hide followed one such messenger, who tried to run faster to escape him, and escaped through a door he closed and seemingly barred behind them. Hide left, going and checking every room he could. He cut down whatever ghouls he needed to, opening doors and looking inside. _Nothing… Nothing, nothing, nothing! Fuck! Where is he? He must be here! He has to be!_ He turned a corner to see Touka fighting another ghoul, and he rushed over to help. The girl’s opponent paused upon seeing Hide, and was quickly finished by Touka. She turned, ready to attack. Seeing Hide, she stood down, letting out a soft breath.

“Idiot! You surprised me!”

“Good to see you too, Touka! Any sign of Ken yet?”

“No, not yet. Checking every fucking door I can though.” Touka groaned. “There was a fork in this hallway. There was some big door, looked like a med bay.”

“That’s good to check on. I checked these doors already. Ghouls and supplies, nothing we need. Did you check the big doors?”

“I’m not an idiot! I know what is too big a job.”

“Good. Let’s check it out. Yomo and the others are in the main area.” There was a familiar angry yell, then a thump. From the sounds of it… “Sounds like Nishiki is okay too. I think they’ve got things here. Wanna check out the medical area?”

“Sure. You think we have enough manpower?”

“I think we can manage. Need be, we grab Nishiki.”

“Fair enough. Let’s go.” Touka agreed. She took Hide by his wrist, pulling him to the doors she spoke of. The windows of the door were covered, the door itself thick and heavy. He pressed his ear to the door, but was unable to hear a thing. He let out a soft breath, then spoke.

“Ready to break this open?”

“You have no idea.” Touka said, fists clenching and unclenching nervously. _Kaneki… I’m glad you have a friend like her…_ Together, the two pressed on the door. It failed to budge, so they threw their weight onto it. The doors held fast, to the point they had to break them open with their kagune. The doors broke open, leaving the two to catch themselves before they fell and hit the ground. Ayato looked at them in surprise, while Touka’s eyes widened in recognition as she saw the younger ghoul.

“Should have known you’d be here, you little brat…”

“So I see you dropped in, as well sister. And brought…” Ayato looked at Hide. His eyebrows scrunched briefly in confusion. “Kaneki’s human? A foolish idea.” His eyes went to Hide’s kagune as realization struck. “No, his… You’re a ghoul!?”

“That I am. And I’m looking for Kaneki.” Hide said, getting into a battle stance, then looking around. A few shelves were on the walls with medical supplies, jars, books, and general medical type stuff. A few guards were around the room, and besides that there was someone strapped to a bed, surrounded by curtains. He couldn’t see who it was, just an outline. It spoke softly.

“Hi… De… Hid… E…” The voice was tired and sad, wavering slightly. “My… Hide… My… Don’t leave me…”

Kaneki was obviously out of it. There were IVs strapped to him, as well as a few machines measuring his heartbeat and blood pressure. He appeared unharmed, but Hide felt sick. Like he was going to faint. Kaneki sounded so sad, it broke his heart. He kept himself up on shaky legs, blood boiling with hate. They had been keeping Kaneki there, holding him at Aogiri alone and terrified, yet he still remembered Hide’s name? He was clinging to it like this? He rushed forward with his kagune, slashing at any of his Kaneki’s tormentors until they fled away from him. Seeing him rush to battle, Touka threw the first punch against Ayato. He couldn’t dodge, eating the attack before trying to counter. Hide lashed out at all of Ayato’s subordinates he could, blind with rage. Kagune clashed against kagune, strength against strength as they fought. Kaneki’s eyes closed, head tilting to the side. Hide stopped, the Aogiri ghouls escaping before he decided to return to fighting. Hide rushed to his friend’s side, knocking over a small table that had been beside the bed. He doubted he’d had any visitors besides Ayato, so he felt bad for him. Ayato had probably kept him alone knowing his mind would eat at him and tear him apart, and he wanted to use that to convince him to rejoin Aogiri and remain a faithful member. He quickly undid the straps holding Kaneki down and picked him up. He was half asleep. He hadn’t lost much weight, to Hide’s relief, but the fact that it could have been worse didn’t make him hate Aogiri tree less. He pressed soft kisses to Kaneki’s forehead, holding him close and whispering soft words to him.

“Hey, Kaneki, you’re okay, everything's okay…”

“Hi… De?” Kaneki asked softly.

“Yeah… Yeah, it’s me.”

“Don’t… No, don’t look at me… Don’t touch me… ‘M awful…”

“No you aren’t. Now come on. We were missing you, we couldn’t leave you here. Let’s get out of here all together, okay?” Hide spoke softly, caressing the white haired other’s cheek. Kaneki nodded, getting up carefully and his eyes opening. His usually covered eye was black and red, mirroring Hide’s, which was the other eye. They stood up together, Hide wrapping his arm around Kaneki’s waist. The white haired man leaned on his friend for support. Touka looked over with relief. She landed a kick on her opponent, then rushed over to help carry Kaneki. The two carried him out before Ayato could get up again. They returned to the main hall. Eventually, Kaneki was awake and alert enough to walk on his own, weaseling out of the other’s grasp and running ahead of them. He took the highest position he could, the top of a table, then yelled out to the Anteiku fighters.

“Retreat!” As requested, soon the Anteiku ghouls were escaping. Hide stood in front of the table, offering Kaneki a hand, which he took and hopped down. Together, they ran to the elevator, crowding in with some other of their own. Someone closed the door behind them, and they headed up. The rest of the retreat was easy, running down the halls and out the building. Hide picked up his jacket on the way in his free hand, never letting go of Kaneki’s. Once they were outside, Hide wrapped his partner in his jacket as they all walked to meet at the mansion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit this took a long time to write. I hope you like it!


	15. Happily Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the saving of Kaneki, a chance to talk.

Hide held Kaneki close, white hair resting against his chest. They were sitting side by side on a dusty old sofa in the living room of Doctor Kanou’s old mansion, Kaneki leaning on Hide with his arms around his waist. His eyes were half open, looking around the crowded room at those who had survived the rescue mission. The blond’s fingers ran through the other’s hair slowly, comforting him after the fact for everything he’d gone through. His breathing was slow and relaxed, though he felt like he was half asleep more than anything else. A few more people entered the room, and Hide looked up at them.

“Was there anyone else behind you?” Touka was the first to speak. One shook their head, taking off their mask. Under it was an older lady, about 25 by Hide’s estimate.

“No. We didn’t see anyone else following us.” She looked around. “So this is how many of us are left?”

Inside the room was Hide and Kaneki who were mostly unharmed, Touka who had some bruises and cuts from her fight with her brother, Nishiki who had a bruised nose and a few scratches here or there, Yomo who was mostly unhurt, and a handful of the gang member ghouls of various levels of injury. It was about half of their original party.

“It’s not bad, considering we just entered Aogiri.” Yomo pointed out. “We should be grateful.”

“Yeah, sure, but it’s still not good!” Touka said, irritated.

“Of course it’s not.” Hide said softly, looking down at Kaneki, who was clinging to him. “I’m sorry I had to bring all of you into this, but there wasn’t a way to save Kaneki alone. You saw how it was. I would have died. So, I appreciate all of your help. I… I will ensure their sacrifice is not in vain. I will take care of Kaneki as best I can, and make sure the one we worked so hard to save remains safe.”

“And how the fuck do you expect to do that? Aogiri might not care much about us, but they’re sure to be pissed at you guys!” Nishiki said, glaring at him.

“Aogiri tree is a Japanese organisation, for the most part, right?”

“Uh… Yeah, as far as we know.” Touka said, taken aback.

“Then why stay in Japan?” Kaneki looked up at Hide in surprise. His lips were parted slightly, about to speak, but he couldn’t find the words to say.

“Hide…?”

“Wouldn’t that be fine?” Hide asked, looking down at him with a smile. “We’d be safe, and we could be together again, just like old times.” Kaneki blushed, looking up at him.

“Where would you go?” Nishiki asked, seeming to be as surprised as everyone else.

“Dunno. Maybe America?” Hide suggested. “Or Europe… Really, I’m fine with anywhere, as long as I’m with Kaneki.”

“H- Hide…” Th white haired man stuttered shyly.

“Yes?”

“Can we talk privately?”

“Sure.” The others nodded respectfully.

We’ll make arrangements for a memorial, and we can discuss plans afterwards.” Yomo said. “For now, we will leave you two alone.”

“Thank you very much.” Hide said, the two watching as the others filed out of the room, then out of the house. Kaneki sat up, looking at his friend.

“You’d really leave everything behind for me? Give up your life for… For me?” Hide smiled softly at him.

“Of course I would. You remember, I already did, don’t you?” As he spoke, he reached up to bury his hands in the other’s white locks. He leaned into his touch, feeling guilty for the other’s seemingly eternal kindness. He’d not only saved him from Aogiri, but was now suggesting they move away together? Even after he’d abandoned him for months?

“B- but why?”

“Because. You’re my Kaneki. You’re… You’re everything to me. Always have been. Believe it or not, I’ve always been there for you, even after you became a half ghoul. And you saved my life… I didn’t repay you well enough. I was angry and cold at first. Kaneki, I hurt you. I feel so guilty for that, and I never properly apologized to you. I missed you so much when you were gone. Nothing felt right…” Hide said, letting his feelings spill. He wished… Wished he could get across just how important he was to him. To say those three words seemed too forward. Would the other understand? Would he be upset? Probably not, but he was still so shy to the idea…

“H- hey, it’s fine… I forgive you. I could never stay mad… I understand. I was upset when I became a half ghoul too, and it was out of my place to make you one, but I just… I couldn’t live without you!” Hide blushed at the other’s statement.

“I feel the same way though! You’re my best friend, you’ve always been! No matter what, I want to stay with you! I want to stay with you forever!”

“T- together forever…?” Kaneki said, shocked. He nodded quickly.

“Yes! I want to be with you! I don’t care as what, I just want to be together!”

“As…? But…” Kaneki looked away shyly. “I don’t know how I feel about you… Thinking about it…” Hide felt like his heart had stopped cold. Was this a bad thing? It couldn’t be that… “In Aogiri… I thought I saw you.”

“Saw me…?”

“I’m not unused to seeing you where you aren’t… Remember, when you saw my at the Anteiku raid, I said it was another illusion?” He nodded. “I see you places… When I’m lonely or scared… Which was a lot, when I was away from you. I’d see you, encouraging me, smiling, always so happy to see me… And when I was in Aogiri, you… The illusion you kissed my eyes and held my cheeks… I felt so safe and happy in that moment. Then when you faded… I felt you disappearing again, like you did when you almost died. I was gonna be alone again…”

Kaneki’s voice cracked as he continued to speak, and his eyes watered. “I don’t want to live without you. I know, I’m weak… So weak without you, no matter how strong I become or act. With this illusion dream of you… I’m scared. What if I love you? What if I love you as something other than a friend? I don’t want you to hate me, or to lose your friendship after all this time…”

“Oh Kaneki…” Hide said softly. The fear melted from his heart, and he reached out to touch his cheeks, pulling Kaneki towards him. He pressed gentle kisses to his eyes, which fluttered closed as he got closer. He kissed away his tears. “Remember this… This isn’t a dream, not a trick… I’m here, right now, beside you, and I’ll stay there forever… If you may love me… I would not mind seeing if it’s true. If we don’t work out, nothing will be lost between us. I’d never leave your side as your best friend just because we don’t work romantically. I… I want to try for love. Romantic love. Will you try this with me?”

“Y- yes… Yes, of course!” Kaneki said shyly. “If it’s truly what you want…?”

“It is! I want to make a life with you.”

“Then… A life together sounds nice.” Kaneki pulled away shyly, looking at the other for reassurance. Hide smiled lovingly at him, then pulled him into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the last chapter, leaving only an epilogue to be written. Please enjoy! As always, comments and feedback are greatly appreciated!


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of their new life.

_ Hey guys, how are things? I know it’s been awhile since we’ve talked. After the whole having to run away together thing, I’m sure you were worried. We’ve been okay though. Just been a bit busy. Life in America is really great though! We’re getting by just fine. _

“Kaneki, cheese!” Hide laughed, arm slung over his boyfriend’s shoulder and phone up and ready to snap a picture. They stood leaning against an iron fence in front of the ocean. Together, they’d pooled up enough money to go to America to live, safe and away from worry. Now they were living in a small town by the beach, Hide as a lifeguard and Kaneki as a bookstore attendant. They’d take other jobs where they could, but those were their main ones- for now at least. Both were smiling and laughing, waves crashing behind them. Hide snapped the picture, then looked over at his lover, taking another and another as he leaned in, catching his lips gently. The other chuckled against his lips, but closed his eyes and kissed back. Hide let his eyes close as well, enjoying the other’s presence.

_ I have some good news too! Kaneki and I are living together now, and we’re really happy. Remember how you always used to call Kaneki and I lovebirds? Well, turns out you weren’t wrong! He and I are really happy together, and I couldn’t be more glad with how things have gone since that day. We’re thinking of getting a pet soon too! Kane says since I always used to joke that we were bunnies, they remind him of me. Sooo, we’re thinking of getting some rabbits! How cute is that? Kaneki just hopes they won’t get out of their cage and nibble on his books. _

“This one looks nice!” Kaneki said, pointing out a small rabbit with black spots on it.

“Oh, yeah!” Hide agreed. He put his hand in the enclosure, and it bounced over to sniff him. “It’s friendly too!”

“He’s tiny now, so… Should we get a small tank for now, or get a big one from the start?” Kaneki asked. “I mean, we have to get two, right? Or else it’ll get lonely…”

“Let’s get a medium one, and save some for an upgrade later.” Hide said. “Oh! Maybe this one can be it’s buddy!” He walked over to another rabbit. This one was slightly bigger, with brownish red fur.

“Pfft! If that’s what you want!” Kaneki laughed. Hide smiled. He loved that smile.

 

_ Kaneki is writing a book too! So far it’s really good. It’s a mystery supernatural novel, so I can’t give much away or he’ll get upset with me. He’s not great with English yet, so it’s in Japanese, but we’re both working on it. It’s been a long time since we had to learn English in school, so we have to polish up our technique! I’m still the one who does most of the talking for us, but I don’t mind. He gets this really cute smile when he says something properly. He looks so proud! Until we’re fluent, Google is definitely our friend. _

 

“ **C- come back… Again!** ” Kaneki says shyly, waving a customer out of the shop. Hide passed them in the doorway, and his boyfriend looked at him.

“Hide! How did I do?” The book clerk asked, falling back into using his native language.

“You did great, Ken!”

“Really?” Kaneki smiled brightly.

“Yeah! It was perfect! Just say it more confidently, right?”

“Yeah! Sure thing!”

 

_ The music here is really nice too! I actually got Kaneki into a few of the bands I like, and we’re going to a concert soon. I really hope we can meet the band, but I don’t have my hopes set on it. _

 

“Hide, are you sure you don’t need proper earplugs?” Kaneki asked, fussing over his boyfriend before the concert started. He had gotten himself ear plugs, but Hide had insisted his headphones would be enough.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine! Besides, if my ears did got back, they’d heal back anyway, right?”

“Sure, but you shouldn’t bank on it…”

“Hey, hey, I’ll be fine.” Hide said. He pressed a soft kiss to the other’s nose, then took his hands in his own. Kaneki sighed happily, closing his eyes. Hearing the crowd around them start screaming excitedly, they looked up at the stage. The band was walking to their instruments, so they smiled, turning to watch. Kaneki squeezed Hide’s hand excitedly.

 

_ It’s really nice being able to go do things with him again and live normally. I’ve really missed this. I’m glad to be here with him! Well, enough about us. How about you? How are things back in Ward 20? Have you reopened the coffee shop? If you did, maybe we could save up and make another branch over here! Did you get into Kamii like you wanted, Touka? Please write back soon! Kaneki has been asking about you at least once a day! He says he misses his friends, and I don’t really blame him. You two were like siblings, he said. Maybe someday we can pay a visit, if we can afford it. I miss you guys too- I even miss Nishiki pushing me around! I really hope we can meet again soon. Until then, please write back! _

  
_ -See ya!, Hideyoshi and Kaneki  _ ／(≧ x ≦)＼

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me. Everyone's support and comments honestly made me really happy, and I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope you will continue to support me as I start on new fics and again, thank you for reading! Thank you for everything!

**Author's Note:**

> Whoo, that was longer than I'm used to! Anyway, I hope it's good! Any criticisms or reviews are highly appreciated! Thank you for reading!


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